


I found a home in your eyes

by weepingnaiad



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Best Friends, But what do they know?, Get Together, M/M, Nosy Vulcans, Soul Bond, at least according to Jim & Bones, soulbonds aren't the be-all and end-all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 16:31:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3699236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weepingnaiad/pseuds/weepingnaiad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the way to New Vulcan and Spock & Nyota's bonding ceremony, Jim's having a hard time.  He's got nosy Vulcan VIP's poking around his ship while his entire bridge crew seems to have bonding fever and he might be a little bit in love with his already bonded Chief Medical Officer and best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I found a home in your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> **Beta:** As ever, abigail89 checked this over for me. Thanks, hon! I do fiddle even after posting, so any mistakes are all on me.

Jim fidgeted in the captain's chair as he stared at the viewscreen. The blurred space hadn't changed since he'd sat down. All was quiet, and he didn't need to be sitting here, but at least the bridge was his for now, with no one looking over his shoulder, second guessing him. The hum of the Enterprise was a soothing counterpoint to the quiet conversation of his crew surrounding him. He was as content as he could be with a Vulcan delegation sniffing in every corner and his First about to be bound to his Comms officer. He gritted his teeth against the unease that thought sent grinding through him. Swallowing, he closed his eyes and breathed in slow and deep to loosen the tension and keep it at bay.

He was spaced out, enjoying the calm until it was interrupted by a holo ad on the viewscreen, complete with annoying jingle and insipid narration extolling the virtues of celebrating your bonding the _right_ way.

Jim jerked upright and spun in his chair, snarling, "Lieutenant? What the--"

"Sorry, sir!" Sulu interrupted and the swelling music cut off.

Jim turned back to glare at his pilot. "Explain," he ordered.

"Sorry, sir. It won't happen again, sir," Sulu apologized. 

Jim eyed Chekov who was bright red, eyes wide, his finger still on the console. "Do you have something to say?" he asked the navigator.

Chekov dropped his hand and gulped. "I pressed the wrong button, sir."

"You pressed the wrong button?" he parrotted. "There is a button on your console for bonding retreats?" Jim was being a shit. He should be happy that Chekov and Sulu had gotten their act together and were planning a bonding ceremony. After all, life bonds promoted unity, kept a crew focused on the same goals. Made _everyone_ more content, calm, and rational. At least, that was the standard Starfleet line. Their bond would be good for the bridge crew, but it grated on Jim, made old doubts surface, caused a little niggle of sharp annoyance between his shoulder blades whenever he saw them with their heads bowed together, whispering. It wasn't their fault and Jim should be -- was -- happy for his pilot and navigator. 

_Mostly._

Except when they pulled a stupid stunt like this. Luckily, Captain Heleia hadn't been on the bridge. Jim continued to glare at Chekov, awaiting his reply.

"No, sir. I was," he paused, took a deep breath, then glanced at Sulu and that seemed to steady him. "I was trying to transfer the feed to Lieutenant Sulu's console and misdirected it. It will not happen again."

"Damn right it won't. We can't have mistakes like that while we're all under a microscope." He glanced at the chrono on his chair and huffed out a breath. "Call up your relief. It's close enough to shift change. Go clear your heads. I need everyone in top form for the next three days."

"Aye-aye, sir!" Chekov nodded eagerly, his smile wide and relieved.

Jim didn't roll his eyes, but it was a close thing. "Keep the personal stuff off the bridge," he added, including Sulu in the reprimand.

"Yes, sir," they said, quickly standing and retreating as soon as their relief arrived.

Jim schooled his face and body into that façade he'd perfected long ago: one of avid interest with an occasional polite, questioning lean into whoever was talking; an utterly incompetent and boring teacher or his uncle when he was on a tear. He hadn't hid behind the mask in a long while, especially not on his ship. Here, he could be himself. But now, with a Vulcan delegation looking for failure and his navigator and pilot joining in on the bonding frenzy -- he blamed Nyota; Spock would never be so crass as to be _excited_ about their upcoming nuptials -- Jim needed to hide behind something safe. Otherwise, he'd reveal just how conflicted he was about something that was supposed to be the height of human experience.

_Bonding. ___

__He huffed out a disgusted snort before catching himself and turning it into a cough/sneeze. All eyes turned to him and he feigned another sneeze, handing the conn off as he made his way to his ready room._ _

____

~~*~~

Jim looked at the bottle in his hand, debated turning around and retreating to his quarters. But they felt empty, both too large and oddly cramped, the contradiction not lost on Jim. So he stood tall and buzzed at Bones' door. And maybe this was ill-advised, and he was about to turn tail, but was caught as the door swept open to reveal a befuddled and bare-chested Bones.

"Jim?"

"Yeah." He raised the bottle of Jefferson and made his best puppy dog expression because his best friend still hadn't stepped aside. "Can I come in?"

"What the hell? You all right, kid?"

Jim couldn't help the way his right hand moved to rub at his neck. "Just thought we could have a drink and maybe catch up?"

Bones arched an eyebrow, his too-insightful gaze scanning Jim from head to toe. "Since when do you bother knocking?"

"Bones," Jim wheedled, suddenly very aware of the crewmen walking the corridor behind him.

"Get in here, you idiot," Bones said, shaking his head.

Jim gave a grateful smile as the door whooshed closed behind him. Of course that was when he really noticed Bones: bare feet, sleep pants slung low, towel around broad shoulders dusted with freckles, wet hair plastered to his forehead. Jim swallowed thickly, eyes lighting everywhere but on his ridiculously attractive CMO.

"Jim?" Bones said, the concern in his voice warming Jim to his core. 

Awareness of that warmth made Jim shuffle away. "I'm fine."

Bones snorted. "Like hell," he said. "Well, sit your ass down." Bones waved to his tiny sofa as he ran the towel through his hair. "And grab honest to god glasses. I ain't doing that fine bourbon the injustice of contaminating it with our spit."

"Hey!" Jim protested. But Bones knew him too well. He hadn't planned for anything but passing the bottle back and forth. Hell, he hadn't _planned_ this at all.

Dropping onto the sofa into an untidy sprawl, Jim picked at the seal on the bottle, wondering, and not for the first time, just why the hell Bones puts up with him.

"Scootch over," Bones said, interrupting Jim's thoughts with a firm push against his thigh.

Jim risked a glance as Bones settled next to him. His hair was damp, but no longer dripping, and he'd put on a well-worn Ole Miss t-shirt that was a bit snug on his chest and arms. Jim's eyes darted away.

"Give me that," Bones said, tugging the bottle out of Jim's grip.

A sharp elbow to Jim's ribs made him jump. "Ow! What the fuck?" Jim complained.

"Glasses, remember?" Bones gave him a frown, those hazel eyes intent.

"You're closer," Jim whined.

"Don't start."

"Fine."

Jim pressed his lips together and stood. Bones stretched out, bare toes gripping the edge of the small coffee table, arm along the back of the sofa, his smile daring Jim to say something.

"Fuck you," Jim said, stepping over Bones' legs, his asshole best friend giving a chuckle behind him.

"Whenever you're ready, kid."

Jim swallowed air, his heart leaping at the thought. But it wasn't real, just a figure of speech and Bones yanking his chain. Gritting his jaw, he exhaled slowly through his nose, plastered on a smirk as he grabbed the glasses and turned back around. Bones hadn't yet moved his legs, didn't even when Jim huffed at him.

"Slide over," Jim tried.

Bones shook his head. "Nope." He patted the vacant cushion.

"You know I--"

"What? Don't want to feel caged in? Can't stand it when I know what you need better than you do? Ain't nothing physically wrong with you, but you came here for a reason. So spill." He finished by opening the bourbon and holding it up, eyebrow raised at Jim.

"Dammit, Bones," Jim said, pursing his lips, but he was moving, stepping over Bones' legs to settle beside him. He didn't like being interrogated, loathed being boxed in; but instead of feeling trapped, he felt safe. Always did with Bones. He _trusted_ Bones. That was why he'd shown up here in the first place.

Jim held out the glasses for Bones to pour. "Your bedside manner sucks. You know that?"

Bones' lips twitched, his eyes lightening, forcing Jim to duck. He hadn't come over here to moon over his gorgeous best friend.

Bones let the silence linger, didn't push. He sat, a warm, comfortable presence at Jim's side, occasionally sipping his drink; making no demands, having no expectations, just quiet acceptance. Jim would be grateful for his patience -- _was_ grateful -- except that the quiet made him twitch.

"Does it weird you out?" finally burst from Jim's lips.

Bones looked at him, head cocked, eyes open, expression interested. He was waiting on Jim to explain himself.

"I mean all this," Jim tried as an explanation, one hand waving to encompass _everything_ without explaining anything.

"Gotta be more specific, kid," Bones replied.

Jim took a large swallow of bourbon to give himself time to come up with something.

"You like the real water shower?" he asked, then wanted to facepalm. What a ridiculous segue.

Bones shook his head, fondly amused and infinitely patient with Jim somehow. "Of course. I used my month's rations today." Bones sighed, the sound weary, but mellow.

"Sickbay that bad?" Jim asked, coaxing.

Bones gave a slight growl, then tipped his glass up, finishing the drink in one gulp. "Damned arrogant Vulcans," he muttered.

Jim poured more bourbon into both glasses. This time it was his turn to wait silently, to draw Bones out.

Bones took the refilled glass with a grateful smile. "And here I was thinking Spock was the worst of the lot!"

Jim chuckled, but he had to agree. The destruction of Vulcan had rocked the Federation to the core, prompting wholesale shifts in the delicate balance of power among its members. The Vulcans should be reeling under their losses, and they _were,_ in private, only amongst themselves. In public, they'd become more, well, _Vulcan_ than ever. Their tendency to cool arrogance, a haughty superiority, and stifling self-righteousness had only grown. After New Vulcan was found and the first of the survivors settled there, the few Vulcans serving on integrated ships all transferred to Vulcan-only crews or resigned their commissions altogether. It was a staggering loss of resources, but none begrudged the Vulcans their increasing insularity.

It was easy to forget the turmoil in the Federation when the Enterprise was patrolling out in deep space, isolated from the destabilization and political infighting. With the Enterprise ferrying a contingent of distinguished Vulcans, they brought the tensions on board with them, embroiling his ship and crew in them, despite the senior crewmembers' best attempts at diplomacy.

"It's not too much longer, Bones," Jim soothed. They'd be arriving at New Vulcan in three days. One formal bonding ceremony and the Enterprise would be back on patrol with the Vulcan delegation either staying on New Vulcan or making other arrangements for a return trip. Starfleet wasn't operating a taxi service no matter what some high-level diplomats and Federation elite seemed to think. He'd only agreed to these particular guests because the Enterprise was going to the ceremony for Spock and Uhura anyway.

"I am acutely aware of just how much longer our 'guests' will be on board. And I wouldn't mind. But I _really_ don't need anyone waltzing through my Sickbay snooping and looking down their snoot at me!"

After that outburst, Jim knew he hadn't soothed Bones one bit. And the chuckle Jim couldn't hold back wasn't any help, either. "Doctor Satonn visited you, did he?"

"Visited?" Bones growled. "A visitor doesn't sniff their nose and pass judgment on my ability!" Then he downed the rest of his drink. "He and his assistant insulted my staff, questioned my ability, _and_ insinuated that his people'd be safer on a Class-P planet than in my medbay!"

Bones took a breath, but plowed on before Jim could interject.

"Chapel was fit to be tied and ready to sock T'Madh in the nose. Luckily, Geoff intervened and kicked us both out of my own damn Sickbay!"

Jim raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "He did what?" Jim asked, hoping for more details and maybe a way to keep a Civil War from brewing in his medbay.

Bones met Jim's gaze for a moment before glancing away. "That might have been a bit of hyperbole," he said, voice gone quiet.

"Bones, what happened? Exactly." And Jim didn't like to use that tone, but he'd be damned if his CMO couldn't stay in his own Sickbay.

"Fine," he huffed. "Geoff didn't kick us out. He was polite. Had those damnable, arrogant--"

"Bones."

"Geoff distracted 'em, then offered to take my shift anytime that Vulcan busybody showed up."

Relieved, Jim had to bite his lip to keep from smiling at Bones' tone. He was pissed, rightfully so, but, at the moment, he sounded like a petulant teen. "So I don't need to start hunting for a doc to replace M'Benga?"

"Nah," Bones conceded. "He did us all a favor. Kept me and Chapel both from doing somethin' we'd all regret."

"I'd have backed you up, Bones, high Vulcan muckety-muck be damned."

The smile Bones gave in reply made Jim's insides turn a bit gooey and soft, like warm caramel. What the hell had gotten into him? All this damn talk of soulmates and bonds had him off-kilter.

"I know, kid," Bones said, not a trace of doubt in his tone or face. "I'm just fuckin' glad it didn't come to that."

"And a bit resentful you didn't get the pleasure of telling that self-important asswipe off?" Jim teased.

Bones chuckled, a deep rumble that had Jim joining in. It felt good. Right. Far better than when he'd arrived. He could do this, just a bit longer. Then everything would go back to normal. And all these unasked for thoughts and feelings could be relegated to the dim recesses of Jim's heart where they belonged.

"So is this why you showed up looking like a kicked puppy… or a hesitant beau, kid? Someone ratted me out? And you felt like you had to come down here to get me to spill my guts?"

Jim would take it. "Do you feel better?" he asked, more than happy to leave his real reason for showing up unspoken, especially now that Bones had thrown the phrase 'hesitant beau' his way.

Bones met Jim's eyes and he did look better, more relaxed, neck loose, no tightness across his brow, his smile easy. If Jim was honest, Bones relaxed and happy, smile reaching all the way to his eyes, was one of his favorite things.

"I'm good," Bones said, finishing off another glass.

"Hey!" Jim tugged the bottle away. "Let's not finish it all in one go! We still have three days to the ceremony."

"What? You think I'm gonna need daily fortifyin' or somethin'? Don't think I can make it through the bonding ceremony?"

"Not you. _Me._ " Jim wasn't too proud to admit that much at least.

"Oh. Huh." He leaned back, sprawled a bit, knocking their thighs together as he settled. "That's right. I get Nyota, Chris, and Janice chattering like magpies. You're stuck with _Spock._ "

If Jim didn't know any better he'd say Bones' grin was downright smug. "How's he holdin' up, anyway? Driving you crazy yet?"

Jim sighed. "Got it in one. And not just him. Got my own Vulcan interrogator. If you think Satonn is bad, try Captain Heleia." He swallowed the dregs of his drink then gave in and poured another round. Maybe this bottle wasn't meant to last.

"Bad?"

Jim shook his head. "Not anything that I can point to or call her out on. But ‘condescending’ and ‘dismissive’ are the nicest things I can say about her attitude."

"Sorry 'bout that, kid." Bones' tone was genuinely apologetic. "They terrorizing everyone on board?"

"I haven't heard Scotty complaining, but I think he's in hiding."

"Smart move," Bones said. "Hey, kid?"

Jim turned and met Bones' eyes. "Yeah?"

"Don't take her words to heart. She doesn't know you, but I wouldn't be out here if I didn't trust you. You know that, right?"

Bones' trust that Jim would keep him safe was humbling. And terrifying. Sometimes Jim felt like an utter fraud, an imposter in the chair. Then Bones would say shit like that and Jim was more determined than ever to be a man worthy of that trust. "Thanks, Bones." Jim's voice held a tiny quaver, a giveaway that his heart was fluttering against his rib cage and his stomach was doing backflips against his spine.

He needed to stop staring into Bones' eyes. He needed to break the silence that'd descended; the suddenly awkward quiet where he could feel his breath syncing with Bones'. But Jim was at a loss, couldn't find a reason to turn away.

Bones suddenly cleared his throat, breaking the moment and Jim inhaled deeply, the room spinning until he bit his lip and the bright pain pulled him back from the brink of _something._

"What do you think about all this soul bonding shit, kid?"

If Jim hadn't been pretty fixated on the impending ceremony himself, he might have wondered where the hell Bones' question came from. He just shrugged in answer. "I try not to."

"Huh," was all Bones said.

"What's that mean?" That came out far more defensive than Jim had meant it to.

"Hey! Hey!" Bones said, holding up one hand to placate Jim. "Don't mean nuthin. I just… well, I guess I thought you'd been hunting your soulmate all this time." His brows furrowed. "You didn't think it was Spock, did you? Or that it was the both of them? Something like a Deltan triad?"

Jim honestly didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He ended up spluttering an outraged, "Spock?"

"You seemed upset when you got here and I knew you weren't hung up on Uhura." He took a sip of his drink, that line between his brows making an appearance. "After all that talk about you and Spock in the other timeline. I…" His voice faded away.

"Oh, hell, Bones. I thought you, of all people, would know that I am not and never have been and never will be _that_ James T. Kirk. Our lives diverged the day I was born. There's just… Spock's a great first officer, but I have _never_ found him attractive. Hell, some days I still find it hard not to want to slap his smug face."

Bones relaxed, a small smile crossing his lips. "I don't know how Uhura does it."

"She's his soulmate, Bones."

After a beat, they both chimed in simultaneously, "Being a soulmate doesn't make one any less of an asshole!"

Jim was stunned for an instant, then he started laughing and Bones joined in, the sound rich and warm. It took a few minutes for them to get control so that they didn't set each other off again.

"So not interested in bonding?" Bones asked.

"Didn't turn out too well as far as I can tell. My mom was a shell, lost, with no way back."

"She wasn't around much?"

Jim snorted. "She took every deep space assignment there was. Left Sam and me with Frank, her asshole brother."

"I'm--"

"Don't fuckin' say it, Bones! I don't need anyone feelin' sorry for me. It sucked, but people had it so much worse."

Bones' eyes were wide and worried, but he stayed silent.

Jim dropped his head back and sighed. "Sorry. I almost ended up on Tarsus. My cousin wasn't so lucky."

"Tarsus IV?" Bones asked, voice barely above a whisper.

"Fleet's pretty sure she was the one that got the distress signal out, but she didn't live long enough to know that it worked."

"Ah, hell, kid."

Bones' palm was a warm, familiar weight on Jim's shoulder. "I didn't mean for us to talk about this heavy shit."

"Me neither. But since we are… can I ask about you and Jocelyn?"

Bones's eyes darted away, then they returned, the hazel meeting Jim's and not letting go. "What’cha want to know?"

"What happened? Weren't you bonded? I don't get it."

"We were matched at ten."

"Ten!"

"Now don't go gettin' any wrong ideas. I was nearly eleven and Joce was almost thirteen. That's quite acceptable--"

Jim snorted. Nothing was acceptable about all this soulmate crap in his opinion.

Bones glared at him. "My nana was very traditional. She insisted on using the same Seer that matched up mom and dad. And look at how that worked out."

Jim crossed his arms over his chest. "I rest my case."

"Hey!"

"Well, c'mon. Your mom died and then your dad was useless. Wasn't there for you. Exactly what happened with my mom. So tell me why everyone's so all fired up about finding their soulmate? Seems like nothing but heartache and grief served up with a whole healthy dose of coercion."

"Now just wait a damn minute, Jim. We weren't _coerced._ "

"I don't know what else you can call it. How old were you when you got married, Bones?"

"You know that doesn't matter with the One."

"So what happened?"

Jim knew he was being an asshole by pushing, forcing Bones to talk about it. But none of this sat right with him, made his stomach lurch and ache. He'd seen his share of romance holos, read more than his share of romance novels, but he'd grown up with a woman who was hollow, who had nothing left to give. Bones' dad had been the same. Giving all that you were to someone no matter whether they were a good person or going to be there by your side for the rest of your life just seemed damned foolhardy at best and downright stupid at worst to Jim. And the idea that his best friend had been destined for that, had his One picked out for him when he was ten was just more than Jim could keep silent about.

"We were betrothed and became inseparable even if Joce was a couple of grades ahead of me. She was wicked smart, athletic, a bit devious, and fast. God, the trouble we got into!" Bones' smile was wistful, eyes down turned, those long lashes brushing his cheeks. And Jim found it hard to breathe.

"It was fun," he shrugged, continuing. "Harmless. We were kids. Best friends riding horses, fishing, hiking… then next thing I know, I'm sixteen, been bumped a grade, and suddenly, I'm going to the prom with the most beautiful girl in the world." The awe Bones must have felt when he first realized he was in love with Joce suffused every syllable.

"So she was the One?" Jim asked, voice hushed.

"Nah. I was sixteen. Didn't know fuck-all. Sure as hell couldn't tell lust from love." Bones shook his head, his responsibility for all that happened weighing down his words.

"So we got married. Right after I turned seventeen."

"And the bond? How did that work?"

"It didn't. But neither of us knew shit. I mean, not like I had an example to go on--"

"What about her parents?"

Bones shook his head sadly. "Joce's dad was the very definition of asshole. The kind that doesn't deserve a bondmate. A real piece of work. I guess when I didn't act like that, Joce figured she'd won the soulmate lottery or somethin'."

"Damn." Jim huffed out a breath. "That's shitty."

Bones looked up, pinned Jim with a hard stare. "Look, kid. We might not have been soulmates, but Joce was my best friend. Nothing that happened was her fault."

"Are you saying it was all on you? Because I call bullshit!"

"I didn't say that. But marriage is hard without the demands of college, our parents, med school…" Bones' eyes took on a distant gleam, lost in the past.

"Yeah?" Jim prompted.

Bones blinked and looked at Jim. "Joce needed more than I was capable of giving and then she found her One. Who was I to stand in the way of that?"

"I know you wouldn't, Bones. So how'd it go so wrong?"

"That would be thanks to Mister Darnell himself. The greedy bastard wanted money, my nan's farm, cut of my practice in order to allow us to annul the marriage."

"But--"

"He was a politician. Friends with the local judge and the sheriff. It threatened to tear the town apart with everyone expected to pick sides. We couldn't allow that. So she started steppin' out on me and I started drinkin'."

"Wha'?" Jim blinked at Bones unable to process what he was saying.

He at least had the grace to look sheepish. "It was a ruse we concocted, made a public shambles of our marriage so we'd have to get the annulment because we obviously were wrong for each other. And the rest is history."

"Hold on. So that shit show on the shuttle was all an _act?_ "

Bones chuckled. "Hell, no. I was _terrified_ of getting on that shuttle."

"But that whole line about 'got nothing but my bones' was bullshit?"

Bones shrugged. "Not exactly." He turned to fully face Jim. "Look, kid, I know we weren't bound, but I loved that woman and we poisoned the well in order to get her dad off my case. It wasn't a good time for me. Plus, I put my nan through hell. Kind of thought it'd be good to make sure she was well looked after, so she got most of my worldly possessions, leaving me with very little."

"But-but--"

"I didn't mean to lie to you, it's just that the why I joined up never seemed to matter once I was here. Besides, someone needed to stay around and look after you."

"I'd been taking care of myself for twenty-two years before we met. I think I could have kept on doing it." Jim's voice went hard.

"Don't get your panties in a wad, kid. I _wanted_ to stay."

"But the whole disease and danger--"

"People change."

"So your ex-wife found her One but had to go through you to get there?" Jim was trying very hard to ignore the betrayal niggling at the back of his mind. "Doesn't that just prove my original point?"

"Which was?" Bones looked more than a little lost.

"That this whole soulbond thing isn't the be-all and the end-all. And more often than not it's far worse than the alternative."

"Which alternative?" And now Bones sounded lost, too.

"Being alone. Or being with people casually."

"Casual doesn't feed the soul, Jim."

"And here I thought you were a cynic."

"I'm no romantic," Bones said, eyes far away, expression thoughtful. "It's not like that. I'm a realist. Like you, I've seen the downside to soulbonds. I've had to patch up more than my share of people who got wailed on by their One. Patch 'em up and send 'em back to that? Should go against my oath, but we make exceptions in those cases." He gritted his jaw, eyes dark and brows furrowed; clearly, he was reliving some of those instances.

Jim placed a warm hand on his shoulder. "Sorry about that, Bones. You're a doctor. You shouldn't have to do that."

Bones heaved a weighted sigh and nodded. "Yeah. Guess we're both in agreement about the whole soulbond thing. Yet, we're going to stand up there at that ceremony and smile and nod and gleefully give Nyota--"

"And Spock--"

"And Spock into it. Remind me why, kid?"

Jim shrugged. "Because Nyota would draw and quarter us if we didn't?"

Bones laughed. "And she'd have help. Christine's been going on and on about her damned dress for weeks now!"

"So has Spock," Jim added, laughing, the mood in the room lighter, less fraught. Jim could almost say he was happy for their friends and mean it.

"You think she'll be okay?"

Jim shrugged again. "I have no idea. She's going to stand up there and say the words, give herself into a bond with a _Vulcan_ , Bones. A _telepath._ Talk about transformed." He did try to keep the little shiver down his spine from giving away just how much the very idea terrified him.

Bones swallowed. "Yeah." Bones sagged and took another swallow of bourbon. "Shit."

"That's _fucked,_ " Jim swore. "You'd always have someone else in your head. No secrets."

"Never alone," Bones added.

"Exactly!" Jim jumped on that. "How do you stay in love with someone that you know their every little thought? All those things that we think but would never say? The ones that are mean or stupid or petty? And don't tell me Vulcans aren't any of those things. They're as bad as we are, they just bottle it up until they explode."

"It's pon farr, Jim. Not an 'explosion'."

"Really? That's what you're taking away from my rant?"

"No. But I think you're overthinking it. I think you're freaking yourself out for something that is never going to happen to you."

Jim rounded on Bones. "Why not? I'm not good enough to have a soulmate?" he sneered.

"Dammit, Jim! That's not what I meant and you know it! Quit being an ass! You don't _want_ a soulmate, you're sure as hell not going to find a _Vulcan_ one! That's all I meant! For Christ's sake! Why the fuck are you so damned tetchy about this?" Bones growled.

Jim stopped short and sighed, slumping. He should have laid off on the bourbon. His insides were turning into one giant knot. "I'm sorry."

Bones' hand on his cheek was warm and Jim didn't stop himself from leaning into it. "You know it's okay to be uncomfortable with this, don't you?" he asked, voice gentle. "It's not being disloyal to either Spock or Nyota. We both have had shit in our past and there's no reason to cover that up. It's just best if you talk to me and leave them out of it."

Jim gave a snort. "I'm not stupid enough to tell anyone else how I feel, Bones. I've seen Pavel sighing over those bonding retreat holos while Hikaru makes cow eyes at him." Jim looked at Bones, realized his hand was still on Jim's cheek, warm and supportive, until their eyes met and Bones pulled away.

He cleared his throat and ducked his head, and Jim had to fight not to move closer. He barely had the restraint to keep from tipping Bones' head up and kissing him. Instead of daring to do that, he babbled, let the words flow. "I came here to talk about all this, but I didn't know how to bring it up. I worry about Nyota and a part of me… well, it scares me," Jim confessed.

"What does?" Bones' head jerked up and he was frowning.

Jim could kick himself for his poor choice of words. He shrugged, then looked down, twirled the glass in his hands. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone, Bones, but the very idea of becoming someone I don't recognize? I just… I don't think I _can._ "

Bones bumped his shoulder against Jim's. "Ah, hell, kid. No matter what, you ain't gonna be alone. You got me. You got _Enterprise_ and her crew. Ain't no one less alone than you. With or without a soulmate." He gave a soft chuckle. "Hell, we could do that best friend's pact thing--"

Jim's head jerked up, eyes wide, every muscle gone taut. "What?" he squeaked.

"Hey, now!" Bones held up a hand. "Just thinking aloud. Not like they're _binding_ contracts or anything. Just thought we could, you know, be there for each other if we ain't found the One--"

Jim snorted. He wasn't looking for _the One._

"Or the partner, whatever. The person you want to spend your life with."

Jim was very still, his insides had turned to jelly. Had he given himself away?

"Gee thanks, kid. You don't like the idea? Fine. But you ain't gotta look like being stuck with me is a fate worse than death." Bones' drawl thickened and his sarcasm turned sharp. Just like always when he was getting defensive.

"Not everybody's a blue-eyed--"

"Bones."

"What? You've been a little shit all night."

"Bones, shut up."

"What the hell? Why the fuck--"

Jim did the only thing he could think of to shut Bones up. He kissed him. He'd be lying if he didn't say he hadn't dreamt about this moment, that he hadn't thought about what it would be like to kiss Bones' full lips, to shut up his best friend's grousing with lips and tongue. But in all his fantasies, Jim never even approached how it was. Sure, he'd expected Bones to be good at the whole kissing thing, he expected him to be careful and considerate, sensual and even a bit demanding, but the reality was on another plane of existence.

With the first brush of their lips, Jim felt a building charge, an impending weight bearing down on him; his lungs felt heavy and his heart began to race full throttle, as though he'd been running for miles. His head began to spin from lack of oxygen and he clung, dove deeper into the security of Bones, who he trusted with all of himself like he'd never trusted another.

They both gasped, the hint of air pressing into his lungs only giving him a moment before his face was grabbed between two large hands and Bones was kissing him, demanding and deep. When their tongues met, it was like a supernova igniting in his very being. He was blown apart, scattered to the depths of space, then contracted back into a singularity, an impossibility, a contradiction. He was whole: Captain James Tiberius Kirk and yet he was no longer one. He was _more._

He was Doctor Leonard Horatio McCoy's soul _mate._ He was warm, secure, loved, and he was finally _home._

He heard a moan and a whimper, felt distant tears as his heart lurched and he scrabbled tightly to hold even as he was clung to, but he couldn't stop kissing Bones. _Bones._ Bones was _his._ His _everything._

Jim was lost in sensation, his very essence cracked open and exposed. The rending emptiness down to the depths of his soul that had gone so long unnoticed was filled, his senses overflowing with _Bones_. Jim should be raw, vulnerable, nervous, and skittish, but instead he was held and content to be so, surfing his mate's emotions: humor, compassion, care, fond irritation, and so much love that Jim could luxuriate and spread out in the vastness of Bones' adoration and never diminish it. When that connection, their immutable union was cemented and inseverable, only then did Jim feel the pull lessen. He was sinking, drowning in a warm sea, strong arms keeping him safe and protected, cherished. Everywhere he felt, he thought, he _reached_ there was Bones -- sexy, grumpy, reliable, brilliant Bones shining bright, his soul encircling Jim.

It could have been hours, days, years for all he was aware of anything but his mate.

But awareness had to return. Jim was reluctant to separate, to pull away, but he felt Bones murmuring to him, felt large hands stroking, gentling, shifting him before he opened his eyes. They were still on the sofa, Jim sprawled over and tangled up in Bones.

Bones who had a goofy smile on his face. Bones who was holding onto Jim, not one word of complaint about how "heavy" Jim was.

Their eyes locked and Jim grinned, sheepish, bright and awestruck.

Bones kissed the corner of his mouth and Jim melted, curled around Bones to bury his nose in Bones' neck.

"C'mon, kid, let me see those baby blues," Bones muttered, but Jim could _feel_ the amusement and love underneath the demanding tone.

"Nuh-uh," Jim shook his head and burrowed deeper, wrapping himself tighter around Bones. He basked in the sense of _rightness._ The way the universe and everything in it finally made sense.

"Not going anywhere, darlin'," Bones drawled. And that tone set Jim's heart to reeling.

"Fuck!" he hissed.

"Jim?" Bones sounded concerned. "C'mon," he cajoled. "Let me have a look at you."

Jim wriggled to his elbows, their lower limbs still entwined. He gazed at Bones whose eyes were wide and a verdant green. "I'm fine, Bones." He shook his head. "No. Fuck that. I'm over the goddamned _moon._ What the hell?"

Bones lips curled up, the smile growing to light his eyes and Jim's insides. "I clearly didn't know shit when I was sixteen."

Whatever tension had been building in Jim's spine exploded in a full-body chuckle. "Asshole."

"Dick. You had me worried."

Jim nipped at Bones' chin, then soothed it with a kiss. "Why?"

 

"You weren't answering me, kid. Then you looked so… stunned." He shrugged. "I was afraid--"

"Afraid what? That I wasn't happy about this?"

Bones sighed. "The thought had crossed my mind. You… well, you have been pretty miserable lately. I just assumed it was--"

"Because I wanted Spock for my One?" Jim snorted. Then he huffed out a breath. "Sorry, Bones." He apologized with a chaste kiss. And hell, that was never going to get old. "I was brooding because this whole ceremony brought up shit I didn't want to think about."

"Like?"

Jim looked up and pinned Bones with a glare. "Like I was more than halfway in love with _you._ And you were already bonded."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh. Fuck me." _'Great segue again, Jim.'_

Bones cleared his throat, his lips parted like he was trying to find words, but his eyes had gone dark and his arms had tightened, holding Jim firmly against his chest. He took a shuddery breath and then shook his head. "Real subtle."

Jim shrugged, then grinned. "Never said I was subtle, Bones."

Bones' grin turned wicked and wild. "Then get your ass naked and on my bed before I take a belt to you. Jesus. I'm pretty sure you're going to be the death of me."

Jim scrambled off of Bones and was already stripping his command gold off before he stopped and returned to lean over the back of the sofa to plant a hard kiss, including tongue, on Bones. Chuckling at the flush breaking across Bones' cheeks, Jim left a trail of the rest of his clothes the few steps to the bed. He threw himself on it, legs spread, one knee bent, arms gripping the shelf at the head of the bed. He was naked and hard, so damn hard and far too eager, but at least he looked good while doing it.

He hoped he did, anyway.

Jim swallowed when Bones didn't immediately pounce. Maybe he'd misheard?

"Stop it, darlin'," Bones rasped from the doorway.

"What?" Jim replied, his worry obliterated by Bones standing there wearing nothing but those non-standard black boxer briefs that left nothing to the imagination and made Jim's mouth water. "Fuck!"

Bones snorted. "You're thinking too hard. I can _feel_ it, you know."

"Wha’?"

Bones stalked to the bed and climbed on, straddling Jim, knees pinned to Jim's hips. "How the hell do you make all those amazin' leaps of intuition with all this chatter going on?"

Jim couldn't reply. All ability for speech was stolen by Bones' wicked grin. And those rather ridiculously sinful thighs, not to mention his spectacular abs and the hard length tenting his underwear. "Huh?"

Bones leaned down, settling on his elbows which were to the side of Jim's head. "If I had _any_ idea all it took to shut you up was to take off my clothes, I would have done that a long time ago," he breathed before pressing their chests together, while Jim's eyes were glued to his lips.

"Ffffuck," Jim hissed.

"Thought you were the one with all the practical experience, kid?" he asked as he ground against Jim, the soft fabric of his boxers dragged teasingly along Jim's cock, making him groan aloud.

Jim's eyes fluttered shut and he had to reach out and touch, hold on to something to ground him before he flew apart.

"I got ya, darlin'," Bones said, voice warm and soothing. "That's it. Just let me take care of you."

Jim swallowed and his heart began to race. He didn't let people take care of him. He kept control, was in charge. 

"Shhhhh, kid," Bones murmured, breath warm against Jim's ear. "Close your eyes and _feel._ Let go and you'll feel me."

He trusted Bones. With his life. He could trust him with this, couldn't he?

Licking his lips, he took a deep breath and forced each muscle in arms, legs, neck, back to loosen. Bones' palms skated over his skin, his lips leaving cooling wet trails from Jim's sternum to his hips. He finally let go and gave in when Bones' warm breath huffed over his cock, making his pulse leap. He gasped, hands flying to hold Bones there, but all he got was a warm chuckle and then Bones moved lower, further from where Jim wanted him. "Ass!"

Bones' answer was to suck a bruise into Jim's thigh and never let up from there on. His mouth was everywhere, his hands teasing, tweaking, touching until Jim didn't know which way was up. All he knew was that he was so hard he ached, but he couldn't tell if that was all him or there was an echo of Bones' lust reverberating back. Then Bones' mouth was swallowing him down and he was pretty sure he lost time, zoned out in blissful pleasure, heat, desire, and affection cocooning him, making it easy to just let go.

But Bones was a sadistic bastard and didn't let him ride the tidal wave to the end; he kept teasing, bringing him to the brink and then back, making Jim swear and curse. And want it all again.

Too soon, or far too long, Jim couldn't decide which, and Bones was sliding home, fitting them together with a long, neverending thrust and all Jim could do was ride the building pleasure, body clenching tight. He was sure he'd died from pleasure when Bones hit bottom, but no. _That_ happened when he pulled out and thrust back in, driving all breath and thought from Jim. He flailed, grabbed hold and clung, meeting thrust for thrust, mewling helplessly as Bones took him apart and fucking _remade_ him.

Bones was a machine, thorough, intractable and relentless, and Jim loved it. He gave all of himself and Bones took it, swept him up and away, higher and higher until bone and muscle couldn't contain him. _Them._

Impossibly, they climaxed as one, came together, souls entwined for the briefest sublime moment of perfect connection before they were falling, separated, but changed, pieces fitting together as cliched as it was.

Jim returned to awareness when Bones chuckled against his neck.

"Ass," Jim shoved weakly at the weight pinning him.

"Dick," Bones replied, the fondness in his voice echoing in Jim's veins.

"You're not supposed to laugh after sex," Jim groused.

Bones' lips dragged along his neck, up to his ear where he breathed. "You make me happy, darlin'. Gonna always laugh with you. Nothin' wrong with that." His voice was thick, drugged with pleasure, matching the languidity stealing over Jim.

"How do you do that?" Jim mumbled.

"Do what?"

"Make me feel…" he waved one hand in the air, "like… I don't know… goofy?"

Jim could feel Bones lips curl against his skin. "Because you make me feel all that shit that I never believed was real, kid. We're a fuckin' romance holo and I can't stop grinning about it."

"Goddamn."

"What?"

"Nyota's going to give me _so much_ shit."

Bones laughed. "Ah, hell. We're fucked, kid. When Chapel hears--"

Jim curled into Bones. "Well, we might as well earn the hell they're going to make our lives."

"Oh?"

Jim nudged his renewed erection into Bones' stomach. "There's definitely something to this bond thing."

"Fuck, baby," Bones murmured, then rolled them so that Jim was on top this time.

~~*~~

Jim stepped onto the bridge and took his seat, settling in as his eyes glanced over the surface of New Vulcan. What he'd been dreading -- fearing that he was losing friends and crew -- hadn't come to pass. In fact, he'd gained something he'd never believed in or wanted. But now couldn't imagine being without.

He felt a warm glow build and turned as the turbolift opened to disgorge Bones and Scotty.

"Commander Scott, good of you to finally join us."

"Sorry, Captain. I had’ta keep a low profile. Those Vulcan busybodies kept nosing about my engines and I had to make sure they didna touch anything!"

Jim's lips curled up in a small smile. "Stand down. I wasn't questioning your devotion, merely your timing."

Scotty shrugged. He'd attended the actual bonding ceremony but didn't linger. And Jim returned from New Vulcan to find the detailed output on his PADD for a level three diagnostic run. He'd assumed that Scotty had been reassuring himself that his baby was unsullied.

Jim glanced to his right and met Bones' gaze. He almost flushed from the feelings that pulsed through their bond. Bones' chuckle only made it more difficult to keep a straight face. Luckily, Sulu and Chekov arrived at that moment and distracted everyone with their ridiculous cow eyes.

"Take us out of orbit, Mister Sulu," Jim commanded.

"Aye-aye, sir," he said and that damned holo ad with its swelling music and insipid narration popped up on the viewscreen again. Jim, Bones, and Scotty laughed as he and Chekov scrambled to shut it off, their combined efforts making it take twice as long.

When blissful silence once again reigned, Jim asked to the bridge at large, "Am I wrong in assuming that we'll be attending another bonding ceremony soon?"

"I think there might be more than one, Jim. Except that Scotty can't bond with the Enterprise," Bones said, his drawl dragging the zinger out and catching everyone by surprise.

If Jim's laughter was fuller, heartier than ever before, he doubted it showed. 

"Hey now!" Scotty protested, but his ears were pink and Jim laughed louder.

"Are you two sure you don't want me to play the entire ad?" Sulu asked, his grin going sly.

"I don't know--" Jim started, stopping as a warm palm rested on his shoulder.

"Let me," Bones said. And Jim nodded.

"I think we have a little more class than that. If the Captain and I do go in for one of those fool bonding retreats, we'll take one of those exclusive ones in the Veil Nebula." Bones sounded smug and Jim had to glance up at him, just to check that the possessiveness he was feeling through their bond wasn't showing on Bones' face. It wasn't, but there was a gleam in his eye that made Jim's cock throb in answer. 

He was so whipped.

And Bones _loved_ it.

_Fuck._

Jim fidgeted, crossed his legs, and had to bite his lip to keep from moaning. He glanced up at Bones, tossing a glare his way, but Bones just lifted one eyebrow and let his smile turn smug.

"Ugh!" Chekov stage whispered. "And the Captain complained about _us._ "

That made Jim laugh and everyone joined in.

He and Bones didn't need a retreat or a formalized, three-day Vulcan ceremony to know they were it, but maybe someday they'd join the other couples and make it official.

Maybe.

For right now everything was perfect and he didn't want to change a damn thing. Bones' agreement was a buoying presence in his soul and Jim leaned forward. "Ahead warp factor three, Mister Sulu."

"Aye-aye, sir."

The stars blurred on the viewscreen as they headed to their next adventure. But this time, he had Bones at his side, in his heart and soul, and there was nothing they could not do together.

The End

**Author's Note:**

>  **A/N:** This fills my trope bingo square -- _soulbond/soulmates._ Title from Bat for Lashes' "Daniel" as suggested by hitlikehammers. Of course she did. Thank you, my own personal title-whisperer. 
> 
> **Disclaimer:** These are Paramount and Roddenberry's characters used in the spirit of creative commons. I promise to return them with smiles on.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] I Found a Home in Your Eyes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9090001) by [RsCreighton](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RsCreighton/pseuds/RsCreighton)




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